MOPS

My husband and I just had our second baby. Our 3 year old was excited about being a big sister, but now that the baby is here, she doesn't seem so excited and thinks we spend too much time holding her little brother. Any ideas would be appreciated. Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,
What you are experiencing is very normal. Your little girl is used to having attention from you and your husband whenever she needed, or wanted it. Now, she is faced with "sharing" that time. Often, our children would "need" that attention at the most inopportune times, so here are some things that Walter and I did to help get through those times.

We created special "story time" for when the baby was sleeping. Create a special time just for the two of you to share a snack and tell a story about when she was a little baby, just like her brother. They love to hear those kind of stories. Don't let anything interrupt your time together. Describe how she used to pucker her lips and yawn widely when sleepy, and how cuddly she was when she nestled into your arms for her nap. Now wrap her up in your arms and show her how that cuddle felt. There's nothing like a hug to make you feel safe and loved. You can finish your story by asking her to tell you what it is like for her to be the big sister.

Having a "baby of her own" is important too. You have a special baby, so she may want a special baby too. Have a little area for her to change her baby right next to your changing area. Give her some pretend powder, wipes, diapers, burp clothes and pretend bottles too. Kids have a vivid imagination, so you can improvise here. While you are feeding your baby, she will take care of her baby at the same time. While the babies are eating, the two of you can talk about what a good "Mommie" she is and how proud you are of her, and that you love having her there. Let her hold your baby and you can hold hers. Show her that you think she is a great big sister and that her little brother is very blessed to have such a great big sister. Let her be a part of her little brothers world. She can help with the diaper bag, sing songs to the baby and even pick out the next little outfit he will wear.

Let your little girl "help" set a special place at the table for Daddy - she can color a picture especially for him. She will be looking for dad's approval and that will go miles with her. You might coach Dad on talking about the picture and what it means to him.

The whole idea is to make a special effort to reinforce her value and place in your family. The baby demands attention, we all know that. It will be well worth your time and effort to give special attentiveness to your little girl. Oh, and don't forget when friends or family come by to meet your new little boy, make a special point of having your daughter lead the way. It draws her into the role of big sister and what an important role that is.

Another important thing is remember is how you speak to your little girl - the words you choose to use when speaking to her are important, true, but more important is your tone of voice. Don't take your frustration from a given situation out on her. Choose your words and tone of voice carefully, speaking with kindness and love. Galatians 5:22,23 says "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law".

Things are so different today, than they were when Walter and I had our little ones. Everyone seems to be in such a hurry these days. We didn't spend much time on the telephone, except for something really important and our socializing was done mostly after service on Sunday afternoons. The rest of the time was family time and we kept our focus on raising the little ones, meeting their needs, while preparing them for lifes challenges. Making a fine home for Walter to come home at the end of his day was so important. It wasn't fancy, but it was filled with love and he knew when he walked through that door, that he was expected and welcomed.

Well, you know I love to keep going, but I think that may just give you a couple ideas to think about. I hope your frustration will turn to joy very soon. Love, Walter's wife