Dear Walters Wife,
How do we handle which set of grandparents gets the honor of having the grandbabies in their home for T-giving? Who has them for Christmas? We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but it makes me sing the Holiday blues.
Dear Blues,
In Genesis 2:24 we learn that "For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." So, you have now created your own family, with plans to set your own traditions. It's true that many families insist that we must all go to your Aunts house for Thanksgiving, because that's what we have always done - but now you have another families traditions to consider as well. Your husbands family may have always gone to his Uncles every year. Here is where communication skills and compromise come into play. Decide what is going to be best for the two of you. If both sides of your families live close by, you might consider alternating visits. Go to your Aunts this year and invite his family over the Sunday before Thanksgiving for your own special Thanksgiving. Next year go to his Uncles and invite her family the Sunday before Thanksgiving. Seldom do established families want to sway from their traditions. Sometimes you have to compromise to what is best for your own family.
Another idea is to blend your families together for a Thanksgiving in your home. There is never a worry about enough space, because space is not what is important. It's the blending of families to uplift and support each other and to build memories.
As the children always loved Christmas morning in our home, we would gather around the tree and open each of our gifts. I always had a coffee cake made, with juice and coffee for Walter and I and milk for the children. We loved just relaxing with no pressure to get in a hurry to go anywhere. Family traditions on both sides of our families added some pressure. My Mother always had Christmas dinner at 4 in the afternoon. Walters Mother always had her dinner at 2 in the afternoon. So we would roll ourselves in the door that evening, stuffed and exhausted. After much discussion between us, Walter and I decided to have Christmas with our parents on Christmas Eve. We invited them over and we shared food and stories, exchanged our gifts. We felt such relief that the Christmas Day was not a push to get out the door and travel.
Now that our children are married with families of their own, we have them all over for Christmas Eve and we sing carols, enjoy dinner together and exchange our gifts. That gives them Christmas morning in their own homes with no push to get out the door and travel to our home. The children don't have to leave their new toys behind while they head out the door.
Walter and I still enjoy a Christmas morning coffee cake, with coffee and juice in our PJ's. We smile and remember the Christmas mornings gone by and all the fun we had - and we are relaxed with no hurry to baste the turkey or bake the pies - today we eat the leftovers and talk about the fun we had with the children and grandchildren the night before. Leftovers are a good thing.
Anytime you have a blending of families, this can be a difficult time of year - - - just remember that you have joined together to form your own family, with your own traditions as well. Communicate with each other with love and respect and know that love sometimes means compromise. Thanksgiving and Christmas are each a day . . . . keep the spirit of both everyday of the year.
Walters Wife