How do I get my son to stop crying every time he is dropped off in his class at Church, MOPS, or the babysitter? How do I get him to stop throwing temper tantrums?
Dear Mom of Cryer,
I believe you have a situation that is very normal. Separation anxiety occurs in many children. How long it lasts and how it will end depends on several factors. If you are certain the environment he is going to is safe, friendly and fun, then you need to understand and accept that he knows exactly how his behavior is making you feel. My son used to cry desperately when I dropped him off. I knew he was in a safe place, with friendly people and was going to be involved in a lot of fun activities. Yet, each and every time I dropped him off, he would cling and cry hysterically. I would literally have to pry him off my legs, hold him in my arms and reassure him I would be back in a short time. He cried out the window as I was leaving. His teacher finally told me that as soon as he didn't see me anymore, the tears stopped and off to play he went. I hate to tell you this, but sometimes it is more about us than them. Kids learn really fast what is working for them and what is not. If the crying keeps you there longer, it's working for him and he'll keep it up.
The good thing is that you can be sure you have formed a very strong bond with him, or he wouldn't be so upset when you leave. He will come to learn that not only will you leave, but that you WILL return and be very happy to see him again. Be pleasant, loving and firmly say good bye with an explanation of when you will return and then do it. Walk away and return when you said you would. This will instill dependability in your word and he will know you mean what you say.
As you talk to your son, ask him about the children in his class. Perhaps you could meet one of the Mom's for a playtime at your home. This is his safe place, and as they get to know each other and play well in your home, you can then go visit his home. With you being right there, he can see that he can have a fun, safe time playing with his friend without anxiety at all.
Consider working out a time to meet the other family as they arrive at Church, so that your son is walking into the class with his friend. Once inside the classroom, they together will be distracted by the other children already at play, and leaving you won't be as traumatic.
A comfort level is necessary at any age. He may very well be reacting to your reaction with the situation. If you have a positive attitude, and expect him to act like a "big boy", then he will soon realize that this is expected of him. If you coddle him, and keep delaying leaving or coming back often, it just delays his adjustment.
Don't think that you are alone with this situation. Not at all. But as in every stage of development, this will pass and another adventure will begin.