Dear Walter's Wife,
We are really struggling with how to evenly divide the holidays up with my parents and in-laws this year. We very rarely see my own parents at holiday time, but they've just informed us that they're coming for Thanksgiving this year. I'd really love to be with them, but this is the year for the entire family to gather at my in-law's house. I tried to tactfully bring the subject up with my mother-in-law, but the distinct feeling that they won't budge. She also mentioned (more than once) that it's rare when all of her grandchildren are in the same house all at once. I felt so guilty. My husband doesn't seem to care one way or the other about it. I really feel frustrated with the whole thing, but my kids rarely get to see my parents, so I really want to spend the holiday with them. Any ideas?
Dear Struggling,
I'm not clear on how long your parents will be in town. Is there a good relationship between your parents and your in-law's? So I'll try to answer assuming that your parents are in town for just the day and that they are cordial with your in-laws. I would ask your husband to talk to your Mother-In-Law and ask her if you could bring your parents along as your guests. You may have to share your time with other family members, but you are still with your parents.
The other possibility would be to have a noon dinner with your parents and make a visit to your In-Laws later in the afternoon. It maybe important to your In-Laws that photos of the family be taken since everyone will be there.
If your In-Laws live a long distance away and splitting the day will not work, then a decision will have to be made. Sit down with your husband and explain how you feel, then listen to how he feels and come to a respectful decision between the two of you.
The Holidays can be so joyful and it's also stressful. Always remember that your primary loyalty is to your husband. He is the person you must compromise with in the end.
Just remember that communication is key to all relationships. Keeping peace at home is always your first priority.
I wish you and your family a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration.
Walters Wife
Comments (2)
Good ideas, Mrs. Walter. I thought I'd share something my mom does for the holidays. This year, we're celebrating Christmas on Sunday, Dec. 28th. We've had Thanksgiving on the Friday after, and Easter whenever it was possible to get everyone together. She makes it possible for us kids to spend time with our own families and our in-laws. She gets to decorate and celebrate the way she wants to while her guests feel completely relaxed and comfortable (no guilt, no rushed feeling, no traveling between homes on the holidays). Some of the best holidays have been on other days.
Posted by Jan | November 8, 2008 2:14 PM
Posted on November 8, 2008 14:14
That is so hard!! I totally feel for you! I like to be with my family all the time, but that is not fair either. We have to try and split our time with 3 sets of parents (Shaun's parents are divorced and remarried) who all live in 3 different states! The stress at the holidays trying to figure it all out is almost unbearable!
Help us Lord!
Posted by Courtney McClellan | November 13, 2008 9:55 PM
Posted on November 13, 2008 21:55