Dear Walter's Wife,
I have an almost 5 year old who argues constantly, even when he doesn't have a real reason. We've tried time outs, taking away priveledges and nothing really seems to help.
Raising children can be ever so rewarding and also be very tiring and trying at best. Having a child that argues can pin your patience to the wall for sure. Let's take a look at arguing for what it is - it's to give reasons for or against something. While your childs way of expressing himself maybe annoying, you want to be attentive to his thoughts and guide him to respect you as his parent. It's a good lesson to teach at a young age that we all have a point of view. Expressing those with respect to the other person is the art. Arguing should never be done to belittle or make the other person feel bad.
When you have a conversation and he begins to argue, ask him a question like "Why do you think that would be?" "Tell me how that would work?" "How would that make your feel?" When you carry on a conversation with your child it shows that you hear what he is saying. That means a lot to a child. It also tells them that you value what they have to say. Taking time to listen and hear what your child is saying speaks volumns in building their self esteem and self worth. It also teaches them to be good listeners as well.
Clearly there is a difference between wanting his time to express his opinion and be heard, and being disrespectful to parents by arguing for the sake of arguing. Being disrespectful to ones parent is never acceptable and should be dealt with swiftly. Walter and I agreed on Proverbs 13:23. We did not spare the rod. It was never a "thing" that was used, such as a belt or paddle. It was our hand, so that we could exercise control. Our children learned at a young age that being mouthy and disrespectful was never tolerated. Let your child see that you love them enough not to tolerate disrespect.
Sometimes Children argue out of frustration from not feeling valued or from the lack of being heard. Try to bring yourself down to their level of thinking. By asking them questions about what they are saying, you may get to the bottom of the reason for the arguing. Still hold your ground as the parent and do not tolerate disrespect. Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it."