Dear Walters Wife,
I'm nearly at my witts end - my husband is a good husband, good father and works hard to provide for our family. I'm home all day with our two little ones, ages 2 and 3 1/2. When my husband comes home, he wants to help me with the children like reading to them and giving baths, and getting them dressed for bedtime. Sometimes, there is so much mess when the bath is done, I feel like it's one more job for me to do cleaning up after the 3 of them. It would just be easier if I did it myself. I'm frustrated - how can I encourage my husband to let me do it myself.
My dear frustrated,
I can sense that you are upset about the mess this creates. I have a story to tell you that may help turn things around for you.
When Walter and I were raising our family, we had a similar situation. He worked all day at his job and I tended the children and our home. I tried very hard to have our home in order, dinner cooking and the children presentable when he arrived. It didn't happen everyday, but I did my best to make his homecoming pleasant. Walter was always too happy to be home and he tried very hard to make things "easier" for me when he was there. Naturally, I had become so used to taking care of the children and meeting their needs, that it was very hard for me to not be the "boss" of the children. I encouraged Walter to sit and read the paper while I bathed the children and dressed them in their night clothes.
One evening, I caught a glimse of Walter standing at the bedroom door watching and looking rather, well, lost. That night after the children were in bed, Walter said something was bothering him and he wanted to discuss it with me. I was all ears and eager to listen and offer my advice to his problem. Walter proceeded to tell me that he felt that I had a "hands off" policy for the children. I tell you, I was shocked to hear it. Throughout our conversation, Walter admitted that I made him feel like he wasn't good enough at bathing or dressing the children for bed. He was hurt when I corrected him on where the toys were to be put away at night. He was just trying to help me, and to him, equally important, he wanted to spend quality time with the children alone too. He pointed out that I was lucky to be with them all day long, and he wanted time of his own. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather! I had never known I was that controlling and hurt him so. I appreciated his honesty. I valued his opinion and loved him so much, I couldn't bear hurting him. In my heart I was trying to make him feel comfortable in his home and have plenty of time to rest. I tried to keep things in order to show respect for him.
We were able to compromise and that brought such harmony to our home. I learned to relax and bit more and let go of my control. After all, they were Walters children too and he was just as important to the children as I was. I learned another important lesson that night too. That it was much more important for Walter to feel respected and loved in his home, than to make sure everything was put in it's proper place each and every day.
If you have a heart to heart talk with your husband and compromise, you may find that there is a happy ending to your frustrated beginning.
Walters Wife